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all right that's uh that's our H so hi everyone my name is Clint I like to start all my presentations with a very awkward photo of myself kind of break the ice and my name spelled very largely that's mostly for vanity purposes but also just to
clarify that my name is not Glen Quint client Chad Quinn or anything that ends in NT do I have any other Clint's in the audience know if there was another Clint he would know exactly what I'm talking about here we're a call and order things I had
to spell my name and my wife makes fun of me but if I don't I'm always Quinn or client I don't get that one either so maybe you've noticed that i'm not wearing boots and I'm not wearing sandals and I don't have a cowboy hat so I
am not from Texas I I come from all the way from Missouri so yeah I'm sorry that's actually the next part right so anyone from Missouri yes hey two people that's twice as many as I was expecting all right so when I got here you know I was meeting
other people and I was saying yeah I'm from Missouri and one as one from Missouri does people are like st. Louis I love st. Louis it's great you know they've got baseball and an awesome hockey team and such arch right yeah but yeah I'm not
I'm not from st. Louis so like oh okay it's a city yeah city of fountains which I honestly don't even know if that's Kansas City google says it is why it's a city of fountains I've no idea but there are some fountains there apparently
and no no I'm not I'm not from Kansas City either so they're like oh you know I've got their attention now because their list of cities and missouri's have have now been exhausted and I tell them I'm from Colombia of course we gotta
talk I don't know who you are but he probably knows what I'm talking about cuz then the next comment is oh okay well where's where's Colombia there's like oh come on Missouri right so we got Kansas in the West Kansas City on the west and
we got st. Louis on the right mmm in between then we've got Columbia right we're little doubt there and Columbia is well known for two things one the University of Missouri who had an awesome fantastic football season better than any Texas team for
sure and come on up come on up so we're no two things right University of Missouri and we're known for being exactly in the middle of Kansas City and st. Louis I'm convinced that we were founded because in wagon days we were probably two days time
outside of st. Louis and on the second day you really just don't want to sleep in your wagon again so we had to build a roof or something so so yeah I tell people I'm from Columbia yeah that's that's how that goes uh-uh so I'm glad I got
a little laughs there and if anybody who doesn't find this slide hilarious I'm really really sorry that you don't find this funny I laugh every time I see this internally I don't know why but if you don't find this funny then just hunker
town cuz you're in for a rough ride so um random this was just posted like an hour ago and I know it's kind of cliche but this is my first time presenting at a conference and happens be on a Friday so it'd be really cool everybody would stand up
I can take that funny little picture come on no one's standing up oh god it's happening yay all right there we go yay hugs great all right they even got some moves for me you know who's not really native to Missouri but that's okay so I'll
post that picture in a little bit I'm on me CT shriyak go ahead and retweet that I'll be really famous after that and somehow profit so yeah I work for a company named Heroku if you've heard of us you know how awesome we are if you have not heard
of us we do not make signs we're actually a platform company and in Missouri that is really really difficult to describe I'm a Support Engineer at Heroku and a lot of people think oh so you do support well yes I do but at Heroku a lot of support engineering
is just like you you know we're programming all day but we have a specific mind of taking you know all the support tickets we get and engineering ourselves out of support tickets so specifically I work with the Heroku Postgres team where we are a database
as a service for your favorite elephant themed relational database the team itself is less than 10 people we have hundreds of Amazon servers I guess and I really pay attention thousands of Postgres databases and just like the RTF team we are internally referred
by an acronym of DoD which is Department of data and if you need to remember what that means it just means we are way better than the RTM I've ruined that joke this Richard even here he's not even hear from you make fun areas hi Richard sorry poking
fun of you so today we're gonna talk about the approach we take to managing lots and lots of databases in a talk I call herding elephants get it elephant you know Postgres works out so how Heroku uses Ruby to run the largest fleet of Postgres databases
in the world and the asterisks there means probably the largest at the time is writing that's probably true it might not be true for the next few years who knows things change it's not really a vanity metric we keep track of but it sounds really cool
on slides I so maybe you can tell I've never really spoken at a large conference so when I got my little acceptance email like you're probably thinking now like wow what were they thinking with that but so I had this title you know that's thinking
Oh hurting elephants this is gonna be great and I can come up with this whole talk that's all you know oriented around you know the Postgres elephant and elephants in general right but as I've discovered talking to a couple people here I've been
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